I am 2 years and 2 weeks into my medical course and I wonder how I am doing. I definitely feel like I have known more; anatomy, physiology, neuroscience, patient history taking and physical examination.

Yes I have learnt a lot.

But sometimes I wonder, have other people ever felt insufficient? Have they ever thought that medicine is for someone else’s? Well, it’s a shame to admit but sometimes I certainly do feel that way. Don’t take me wrong, I’ve never ever thought of quitting medical school, it’s just that I question my ability of ever becoming, what I think, a good doctor.

2 weeks ago when I was on my flight back to Melbourne, there was a medical emergency (or should I say what the air stewardess considered as an emergency) on board.

“If you are a doctor, please approach the crew members,” she announced. At that instance, I became nervous. A thousand questions raced through my brain.

“I am not a doctor but I am a medical student, I can help!”
“Oh wait, what if the passenger is really SICK and there is nothing I know how to do!” “But at least I will be of LITTLE help wouldn’t I? I have first aid certificate.”
“Hang on a second, I think the cert is only valid for 2 years and mine is 1 month and a week over due.”
“Come on, you are a 3rd year medical student, you know more than THAT!”
“But they want a doctor, I am NOT”
“Ok let’s think. Now if she had a fit, what would you do? Do not restrain her. Do not put anything in her mouth. Don’t panic: basically, do nothing. Then put her in the recovery position when the seizure eases. Next scenario, what if she had a heart attack and had stop breathing and her heart has stop beating? Mouth to mouth resuscitation! Arch the neck, lift the chin up, fix your mouth over the casualty mouth, form a tight seal, pinch the nose and blow air into her mouth. Then alternate with CPR. 30 times, and back to mouth to mouth resuscitation. I can do that.”
“But hold on, how long do I need to do that? 30 minutes? Yea it sounds like it.”
“But what if the patients died/ or couldn’t be resuscitated? Then she would be my first died patient…”
“I’ll count to five, if there are no doctors, I will approach the air crew members.”

All these thoughts in 30 seconds.

I don’t know what to do so I ask me sister. Very casually she said “They asked for a doctor, you are still a medical student. Wait for another 4 years,” and then she went back to sleep. I wouldn’t say that that was the response I wanted to hear but it wasn’t what I didn’t want to hear either. So I settled.

But for the next 3 minutes, I was very very alert. I saw a young (but much older than me) man approached the air stewardess and was brought to the back – doctor number 1. And then 15 seconds later, another old gentleman in grey suit, very little gray hair, looked very much like a professor of some sort – doctor number 2. Then 2 ladies – doctor number 3 & 4. I am nothing but relieved. And regret. And disappointed.

Come to think of it, I should have approached the air crew. I read an article describing exactly the same scenario and according to the article, it’s our DUTY to offer help to patients in need, may it be medical students or doctors. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. And the only reason was – I felt I was not good enough. Patients deserve the best and I am not. I am not because there are 4 other doctors on board.

Despite being very demoralizing, this incident has taught me an awful lot. Next time, I will just raise my hand. Sufficient or insufficient, just offer your best and if your best is just not good enough, then at least you know that there is nothing else you could have done. You try your very best and that is what that matters. This has always been my motto, I just need to apply it in a different context and things will work out fine.

After we embarked, I waited at the aisle. And there she was, the patient. Thank god she was alive. Sitting on a wheel chair, being pushed out by the airport officer with her family members by her side, she looked just fine, maybe a little pale but just fine. Conscious, sitting up right, chatting with her brother, blanket over her laps, it was not that bad after all. At that moment, I couldn’t have felt better, I stopped blaming myself and all of a sudden, I know what I should do. Work harder and prepare myself for future needs. I am going to be the sufficient medical student, for the patients and for myself.

by Dr Chef
Medical Student